Love Always, Trisha
by pEpper13
Summary: A collection of letters from Trisha to Hoenheim after he left.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everyone! I decided to start some Hoenheim/Trisha stuff. Eventually (hopefully) I'll be writing a full-length fic about their relationship, but that's difficult at the moment. Besides me being crazy busy, a Hoenheim/Trisha fic is hard because... how should I put this? It would be easy to make it really creepy without trying to, because Hoenheim is so old compared to Trisha. But someday this will happen! In the meantime, here's the first of several letters I'm going to write from Trisha to Hoenheim. I probably won't update super regularly... just when I have the time and inspiration for one. I was thinking these letters probably never got sent to Hoenheim (Trisha probably had no way of knowing where he was at any time) but I don't think that would have stopped her from writing them. So here it is. Enjoy!_

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Dearest Hoenheim,

I hope right now you are somewhere safe and warm. I know how you can be, so please take care of yourself. For me.

Edward still asks about you every day. Alphonse still goes and sits outside your office door, waiting for you to come out. Our precious little boys still love you so much. Every time they tell me they're going to play on 'Daddy's swing' I can't help but smile. I see you in their eyes, which keeps me from missing you so much.

But I do still miss you, Hoenheim. I miss your voice and your rare smiles and the way you used to hold me at night. The bed seems so empty without you in it. Most nights I let the boys join me. I think it helps them as much as it helps me.

It's so hard to go on without you, but we manage it. We're all right, Hoenheim. There are still so many tears, so many questions, but we're all right. Ed and Al are old enough to remember you. They'll be able to recognize your face when you come back. We're all waiting for that day.

I know I could be years; I might be old and gray before I see your face again, but I'm waiting, Hoenheim. I love you too much to do otherwise.

Until then, I'll try and have your patience. I'll watch our boys grow up and smile for the time we had together, however short it was. But I'll still miss you dearly, Hoenheim.

Love Always,

Trisha


	2. Chapter 2

_I was listening to Vanilla Twilight by Owl City on repeat when I got the inspiration for this letter… can you tell? XD_

_ice shredder: __Ahhh I knew it! My gut told me it was Hohenheim, but when I went to add characters to the description, the website was telling me it was Hoenheim… well screw that, I'm going back to the original spelling! Anywho, thanks so much for the review! I'm always overjoyed to get feedback! :D_

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Dearest Hohenheim,

This is the third sleepless night in a row for me. I always used to talk to you when I couldn't sleep. I'm not sure you were always awake when I did, but just to have you there was a comfort. Now all I can do is lie awake and miss you.

Remember the nights when the boys were little? Two in the morning didn't belong to us anymore, it belonged to dirty diapers and hungry mouths. But those sleepless nights meant something to us. My sleepless nights just mean I'm thinking of you again.

Is it possible that I love you more now that you're gone? I feel like I have taken for granted all the days we used to spend together, and only now that you aren't here do I realize how much you mean to me. You can't come back soon enough, Hohenheim.

Edward still asks about you, but not every day. I still catch Alphonse in the hallway next to your office from time to time. They still care, but they're letting go. It makes me sad and jealous at the same time. If I could stop missing you, I would. If I could miss you less, I would. But such is my price to pay I expect. It's what alchemists call Equivalent Exchange, isn't it? Only now does that phrase mean something to me.

Hohenheim, I want you beside me again. My world is changed now without you. Sunsets are colder and nights are longer. If I didn't have our boys, I don't know what I'd do. As long as Edward and Alphonse are with me, I'm not alone. And you're never truly gone.

I'm watching the night fade now. They'll be up soon and I'll get to see their smiling faces. I wish you were here to see them too.

Love Always,

Trisha


	3. Chapter 3

_I wasn't intending to write a letter today, but once I started it just kind of wrote itself…_

_ice shredder:__ Thank you so much for your reviews! They mean a lot to me._

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Dearest Hohenheim,

I doesn't seem like only three months since you left. To me, it feels far longer.

Edward turned six last week. I wonder if you realized it or not. You never did have a mind for remembering dates, but I was always there to remind you. Ed asked me if you would come home to celebrate with us. I had to tell him no. I hoped you might come, but I couldn't bear to see how disappointed he would be when you didn't show.

Alphonse will turn five next month. They're growing up so much. I just wish you were here to see it with me.

I was watching for you out the window this morning, as I often do, when Al gave me a handful of flowers he'd picked. I started to cry because they made me think of the flower crowns we used to make together. Do you remember that, Hohenheim? It always made me smile.

I want you to know that our boys can still make me smile. Life will always be hard without you, but they make it less so. I never thought it would turn out like this when we fell in love, but to me, it was worth it. A broken heart now is worth the time we had, and I'll never give up the hope of seeing your face again. Seeing you walking home up the road.

I'm still waiting, Hohenheim, and I'm never going to stop.

Love Always,

Trisha


	4. Chapter 4

_I know I said in the beginning that this wouldn't have a consistent publishing schedule, but I just wanted to give you a heads up not to expect anything for at least two months. I leave next Tuesday and I don't get back till August. Thanks!_

_-pEpper13_

_AppleDapple: I'm glad you think so! If there's one word I would use to describe Trisha and Hohenheim's relationship, it's cute XD_

_ice shredder: Ouch, right in the feels there with Nina Tucker :'(_

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Dearest Hohenheim,

Did I say I love you when you left? I can't seem to remember now, and that makes me sad. I hope you know, Hohenheim. I hope you know how much I love you. I hope you don't think I'm angry because you left. Lonely and heartbroken, of course. But never angry.

I'm watching the boys playing outside with a stick in the dirt. Ed's helping Al to spell his name I think. It reminds me of when you showed me some of your transmutation circles in the sand by the lake. Alchemy is a world I'll never understand, but I admire those who do. Especially you. I loved watching you draw those circles. It was an art form to you, wasn't it? It makes me sad to think of all your books and notes gathering dust in the study. I go in there sometimes, on the days I miss you most. I always feel closer to you when I look at those books and see your handwriting. Maybe someday, someone else will make use of them.

I'm using a moment when the boys aren't here to write you, because I know it upsets them. Ed especially. He doesn't talk much about you anymore. Al still asks me when you're coming home, but Edward just stays quiet. I wish he wouldn't look so upset when you're mentioned. I wish I could explain to him why you had to leave, but even I don't fully understand the reason. How could I make him understand?

I know that deep down, he still loves you and still hopes you'll come back. I tell him so often that you're out there, thinking of him and wishing you were here. But I'm not sure he believes me.

Please come home if you can, Hohenheim. Please, just come home.

Love Always,

Trisha


	5. Chapter 5

_I know I said I'd update in August but, well… life happens. Plus, I haven't been in the best of health lately and college just started up. Anywho no one cares about my boring self…_

_This is just a little thing I wrote because I wanted to get something down. It's a little Trisha/Hohenheim one shot, not a letter. Trisha writes all the time about Hohenheim leaving, so here is the day he actually left. If you've read the manga, this isn't exactly how it happened, but that's not the point. I may do more one shots like this if I decide I like this one enough. Enjoy!_

_(PS I was going to post this last night, but the Fanfiction server was down :P oh well…)_

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The Day He Left (one shot)

I was lying awake when I felt Hohenheim sit up next to me. I wondered briefly if he'd gotten any sleep, or if his thoughts had been racing all night like mine. I sat up next to him and leaned against his shoulder. For a moment, we stayed there in silence. Pale, pre-dawn light filtered in through the curtains.

"You're going now?" I said softly. He nodded. My heart dropped. I rubbed my cheek against his and felt the dampness of tears. "Okay."

He turned his face and our lips met for a moment. A tear slid down my face as we parted. Hohenheim brushed it away with his hand. I'll never forget the feeling of his hands; so rough and worn on the outside, but the touch was gentle.

I looked into his golden eyes and noticed how red they were. I wondered if he'd been crying silently all night. I searched his eyes one last time. I wanted to make sure I remembered them. Perhaps he really did have a million souls trapped behind those eyes, but I only ever saw his.

After he dressed, Hohenheim went downstairs to his study to gather some of his notes. I pulled his brown overcoat out of the closet for him. The weather was starting to turn cold; I could rest easier knowing he had it with him. I held the coat up to my face and breathed in its familiar scent. Like old books and fresh-cut wood. Hohenheim.

I laid the coat out on the bed and walked to my dresser. I opened one of the top drawers and took out a picture of the four of us – me, Hohenheim, Ed, and Al. The only picture we had as a family. I had another copy to keep for myself, so I picked up a pen and wrote a short note on the back.

_Dearest Hohenheim,_

_Remember us._

_Love Always,_

_Trisha_

I slipped the photograph into an inner pocket of the coat. It would be safe there.

Hohenheim was back a moment later. He put his notes into the small bag he'd packed for himself. Then he straightened up and gave me a weak smile.

I returned it with all the joy I could muster. I held up the coat as he slid his arms into the sleeves. "There's a photo of us in the pocket," I said.

"Thank you, Trisha," he whispered. We stood facing each other one last time. I reached out my hand to brush away a strand of hair that always escaped from the others and hung in front of his face. I tried to smile again, but this time there was no happiness. He held open his arms and I walked into his embrace. That hug was the last chance for me to feel the warmth of his body pressed against mine, to drink in his scent, and to feel the power of his strong frame.

"The sun will be up soon," he said. Reluctantly, we pulled away from each other. He picked up his bag and we went downstairs together. He hesitated at the front door with one hand on the doorknob for a long moment.

"Should I wake the boys?" I said.

He shook his head slowly. "If I see their faces… I might not be able to-"

"Mama?"

Ed's sleepy little voice brought a genuine smile to my face for the first time that morning. I turned to see him standing on the staircase with Al. One of Al's hands was clasped with Ed's while the other was in his mouth. Both boys were still in their nightshirts, their hair matted into cowlicks, their eyes hazy with slumber.

"Ed, why are you two out of bed?"

"Al wunned to go potty, but he woudn' go 'lone," he said, his words slurred together. Ed yawned while Al sucked his fingers and watched us. "Where's Dad goin'?

Hohenheim didn't respond. I glanced at him quickly before smiling back at Ed. "Boys, come say goodbye to Daddy, okay?"

"'kay Mama." The boys slowly thumped down the rest of the stairs and stood in front of their father. Hohenheim leaned down and picked up Ed.

"Goodbye, Edward," he said, squeezing him tight.

"Bye-bye Daddy," Ed said. "Seeya later." Al whined and tugged on his Daddy's trouser leg with a slobbery hand. Hohenheim smiled as he set Ed back on his feet. Only I could tell how much sadness was in that smile.

"Bye-bye Alphonse," he said, scooping our second son into his arms. "Daddy loves you."

"Bye Da-da," Al said, momentarily removing his fingers from his mouth. Hohenheim handed Al over to me, who snuggled against my shoulder.

"Be good for Momma, okay boys?" He was struggling to keep his voice from shaking.

"Uh-huh," Ed yawned. He rubbed his eyes and smiled. If only they knew.

Hohenheim took one last look at me. "I love you," he said. Then he opened the door and stepped outside without looking back. Ed waved while Al craned his neck to watch Daddy go. I put Alphonse down beside his brother.

"Edward, take your brother potty now please," I said. Ed nodded and dragged Al off down the hall. I stayed in the doorway and watched Hohenheim walk slowly down the road. The morning felt colder than usual. _Let him be okay._ Tears slid down my face, and somehow I knew that they slid down his as well.

I still watched the road even after he was long gone.


	6. Chapter 6

_This time I decided to write a letter from Hohenheim to Trisha. Trisha's letters probably never got sent, but we know Trisha and the boys did receive letters from Hohenheim. So here is one of them. This letter is arguably more sappy than any of Trisha's have been, but to me Hohenheim is a hopeless romantic at heart (it's obvious with how much he loved his wife)._

_ice shredder: I seriously think Trisha and Hohenheim's relationship is one of the most beautiful and tragic love stories I have ever read…_

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My Dear Trisha,

I can only hope that this letter finds you well. I know how hard you work, especially when you're trying not to think. Don't hurt yourself because of me. Our boys still need you.

Leaving you is the hardest thing I've ever done. My life as a slave, my years of solitude after leaving Xerxes, even the turmoil of living with a million souls inside my body – they can't compare to what I felt when I walked out that door and left you behind. You, the love of my life, my beloved Trisha.

You gave me more than I could have ever asked for, Trisha. Because of you, I've been able to taste what a normal life is, and I've been able to hold our two beautiful baby boys in my arms. I know that the life I have with you is something I'll never be able to give up. My life began when I met you, Trisha, and I want it to end with you too. I want to live and die by your side.

That's the only thing that keeps me from coming home to you. I will come home, Trisha, as soon as I can be sure I'll grow old with you.

And when I do, we'll watch our boys grow up. We'll go on building our lives together. We'll be a family, which is something I never would have had without you.

I don't know how long it will be until we see each other again, but know that I love you now even more than I did before. My love for you has grown every day since I first laid eyes on you, Trisha, and it won't stop until the day I die. But before that happens I will come home again so I can look into your eyes and hold you in my arms. I swear to you, I will.

Until then, dearest Trisha, wait for me. Tell our boys how I love them, if they even want to hear it. I'm afraid they may hate me for what I've done. Tell them that I'm coming back for them.

I will always think of you, Trisha. Always, every day.

Hohenheim


	7. Chapter 7

_Just a normal Trisha letter this time. It's been a while! I think this has been my favorite letter to write so far._

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Dearest Hohenheim,

Yesterday I was reminded of just how much our boys are like you. I caught them in your study, tearing through your old alchemy books. Edward even transmuted, after only one afternoon of reading. Maybe he's become more clever than even I realized. I wanted to cry because of how it made me think of you, but instead I smiled. Edward looked so happy that he made me smile. Maybe I am starting to heal.

I'm never going to take those books from them. They're in there now. I can hear them talking and laughing. They're ruining your floor with their lopsided chalk circles, but I know you would be as proud as I am. And I know now that they'll never forget about you, not as long as they're reading through your notes and copying your drawings.

They begged me this morning to let them go and show Winry Rockbell – you remember the Rockbells don't you? – what they've learned to do. I couldn't tell them no. Everyone in Resembool will know about my little alchemists before the end of the week.

Alphonse told me last night that he wants to show you first thing when you come home. He hasn't been as quick as Ed at catching on, but he's still so smart. Just like you. I promised him you'd come back to see his alchemy someday. Please, Hohenheim, keep that promise. Your boys are still waiting for you.

Love Always,

Trisha


End file.
